Days of January (and February)

Days of January.

My new year started in the state of Pennsylvania, sitting around the living room with my mom, brother, one sister, and my hubby. Every single one of us was looking at our own personal National Geographic magazine. We were entertaining ourselves, wanting to be awake for 2013’s first moments. It was fun. We didn’t have a big party. But I liked it. You know, that lulling  comfy, content, off and on chatting.  My little bro kept us informed of the minutes until 2013.

And that was how it happened.

New Year’s countdowns always give me a strange feeling. It’s slightly unnerving having the seconds of the old year give out and see the first seconds of the new year come into existence. It happens without our consent or approval. The clock keeps ticking.

We can’t control time. We can’t turn it back and redo a bad day, year, or decade. We can’t turn it forward and experience the future we look forward to so much. (Or if we dread the future.) All we can do is play with the cards we have in this moment. We can’t redo yesterday’s hand or play tomorrow’s game.

I choose to live in the moment and beat today’s game.

Ah, that’s easier said than done.

Reminds me of my life at the moment. We just bought a new house. (Old house actually)

It was a big, scary step at first. We’re young. Buying a house ties us down in a lot of ways. God blessed us so much with our very own house for a good price though, and it’s fun. I am thankful.

It needs a lot of work. Most of the rooms have wallpaper. (Who invented that stuff anyways?) The carpet in one of the back rooms badly needs replacing, and the floor sags extremely in another room. But it’s ok! It’s our home now.

I’m going to take it slow. One project at a time. Small steps in the big picture. I’m excited to see the transformation!

If you were to drive down our road, this is what you would see.

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(facing the road away from the house.)

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My yard has a swing! 🙂 I like swings.

Before we moved, we redid the kitchen. I was sick during that week and also the day we moved. I had a bad cold, sore throat, and sinus congestion. For a day or too I could hardly croak out any words, and my smell and taste was extremely poor. (Have you ever eaten a amazing sandwich you couldn’t taste? It is dreadfully sad.)

I thought I would die after inhaling so many paint fumes while already being under the weather. But we finally finished the kitchen. Hopefully soon I can post before and after pics once I get it fixed just so so. 🙂

We had an interesting couple of weeks after we got all our belongings in our new home.

The beginning of January we came back after a two week vacation near the end of a pay period and promptly bought a house, new phones, and paid a whopping internet cancellation fee. Cabob had a few days to work in that pay period, and then got a small paycheck. Yeah. It took some faith and penny pinching. 😉

So until we could afford it, we lived without a stove. I highly recommend it if you have a problem with thankfulness. My imagination was stretched in ways I didn’t think it could stretch. We ate lots of salads, smoothies, and my awesome neighbor lent me an electric skillet. My hubby also used this time to grill for me. I love grilled veggies and onions. Mhh.

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I learned a lot living in a messy house for a week or two. (I’m still not done.)

Life isn’t about having it all together. It’s not. When I realize that, suddenly I am in a place for my life to become beautiful. Even if life isn’t perfect, the moments are beautiful.

All I have is this moment. I can’t ever relive this day. But if all I have is this moment, I want to worship while making this dirty bathroom sparkle, or knocking down spider webs or cleaning yucky toilets or making the same thing over again for lunch…

Not everything is drudgery. I came to love my little home. Once it was clean and semi arranged, hubby and I just sat there and admired it. It was home.

Even more than having my stuff arranged, God is with me where ever I am, and where he and my hubby are…that’s home. I’m content.

I have a stove now. It is lovely, and I am so thankful.

The other day, after I put some gas in the car, I decided to run in the store and grab a cup of ice cream to surprise the man with. You never know what crazy southern experience you will have in this southern land. I obviously had two cups of melting ice cream, but I had to stand in line waiting on several ladies buying lottery tickets. Then a young guy was buying beer and came into line side by side with me. When it was my turn I asked if he was in line, he said, “Yea.” Pause. (Inward sigh. I was here first, and I have melting ice cream. Come on, be a gentleman.) We both finally said,” Go ahead.” Instead of insisting, I quickly said, “Thank you,” like a lady. haha. Oops.

I have so many moments in this southern world that I could tell. It’s definitely nothing like where I grew up. One example: Instead of normal dirt tracked into the kitchen, I am constantly sweeping up gritty sand.

The custom mulch here is pine needles. Butt ugly, I think. Coming from rich brown colored mulch I’m used to, of course.

Green grass is rare. I miss that so much.

But this winter weather is amazing! Many days it’s in the 50s and 60s during the day. Once it was 78 degrees. I am so thankful for the sunshine and wind to hang out laundry in. Laundry is seriously one of my favorite things. I would (and do) volunteer to do other people’s laundry. Mostly if I can hang it out, but I would do it if I had to use a dryer as well.

It does get cold at night though. This morning is was 20 degrees! Unbelievable.

Here are a few instagram photos of…food. Yeah, lame I know, but I make so much of it these days! Sometimes I am inspired to take pictures to look back on these months and smile. 🙂 This is the life.

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The makings of a yummy zuchini casserole. I got the recipe online. It had a yummy Italian taste.

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The finished product. There was also pasta and sauce and bread with jam.

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I had the best Valentines day ever yesterday. Cabob went to work really early so he could take off after lunch.

I went a little crazy with lunch. I was so excited to make yummy food for the hubby.

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This was my first omelet making experience. 😉

That was the start of a fun day together. We left to run some errands. One of them took us close to Aiken, so while we were there we decided to take care of getting my last name on my social security card changed so I can get my SC license. I hate paperwork and all legal work with passion. (Don’t even get me started.)

Without realizing it, I was starting to stress out a little on the way to the office. When we finally found the right building, Cabob went to test the doors and they were locked. I yelled out the window, “Good, let’s go shopping!” LOL. So we did. Did I mention that I love thrift stores? It’s a great big treasure hunt with the best deals.

We laughed so much. I don’t know why. I guess we were just in a silly mood, and we were just darn happy to be together and in love. I wish I could remember every joke and laugh that happens between us. All I remember at the moment is just the happiness.

Oh yes, and the small happening that I shared on facebook that suddenly had people I hardly know convinced there was a little Kanagy baby on the way. Haha. I am not pregnant, but I have had collected little baby clothes for a while now. (even before I was married) I posted a photo of a cute outfit I bought that day and also a story.

“Cabob and I were eating at a Chinese restaurant together, and his fortune cookie said, ‘Good news is coming your way.’ Snatching the opportunity, I leaned forward and told him I’m pregnant. After the initial shocked look on his face, we laughed hysterically.” LAUGHED. not cried and hugged. Laughed. It was a joke. 🙂

Oh my, anyways. Anyone who knows me would realize that little baby news would be delivered much more tactfully, and for sure not for a long time. So rest well, world. You know me not. I was highly amused by the drama. If you want to know who secretly stalks you, do a false alarm on pregnancy or something. 😀

I do love babies though!

This past week it’s been raining a lot. That is so cool with me. I think I forgot how much I missed it. The air is really dry here. Rain is definitely welcomed.

I got to fall asleep to the amazing sound outside my window several nights this week.

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And on a rainy day, sometimes life calls for a good book and a cup of tea.

I know it’s already the end of February, and I’ve been working on this post for a long time, but better late than never right? 🙂 We don’t have internet at our new house, so I rarely get a chance to blog.

I’m definitely very alive though. I haven’t stopped writing. Actually, I probably have more on my mind than ever. Ah, someday soon I hope to vent all my creative passion again.

Believe it or not, I cried tonight about it. Without realizing what’s wrong, I let things I feel and am passionate about build up in me until suddenly I can’t take it any more. I love to write, sing, and take photos, and and and so many things that are dying to be released.

It’s my thing, my outlet, my worship. I think I forgot. I forget who I am because no one is like me and no one knows me and what’s inside. Sometimes I just wish for support, for encouragement, for affirmation, for opportunity. Sometimes I feel like I’m in a desert, and I have a cup of water, but no one is thirsty. So I remain quiet. When inside, I know God created a lion in me.

I’m scared. Scared because every time I walk towards the path I feel God calling me to, something, someone, anything, jumps out and in a very godly, right sounding way condemns me for leaving the path of the status quo. I retreat. And cry. I believe it. Accept the condemnation… Until I realize it was not God, and He is patiently, lovingly calling me to come with Him. Again and again. I won’t be truly alone because He is there. I beg God to either forget it or shut the lions mouth. (the bad lion) 🙂

My heart is like a deep well, and all people see is the shiny surface. There could be 20 feet or a 100 or 200. They talk about what they think they know. But they know nothing of who I am or what I’ve been through or who I’ve become from who I was. Where I need to go. Who I will be. Who God is to me.

Sometimes I forget. I can never forget.

Even if I feel like God and I are the only ones who know the feet of water below the surface, it’s ok. Just like the woman at the well, He tells me who I am, so I know who He is.

I must keep singing and writing. I feel like my feelings and expressions of love for God are completely constipated if I lose sight of what I love and how I’m designed to worship. I shall die without beauty.

I must end this long post. 🙂

The end.

© Brenda Kanagy

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