Still trying to get out of my blogging funk. I consistently save and stash half posts. I am passionate about big subjects, and the inspiration that comes to me feels like only one aspect of the rainbow, and I am afraid- yes afraid to be accused of heresy. :p I have decided that it’s not my job to cover every aspect of what God thinks about something. It’s more than enough to simply put to script the parts He tells me to.
I’m not smart, but I can have wisdom. I’m not strong, but I can have power. I’m not worthy, but I can be a witness of kings.
I cant push His words into the future as if that somehow makes me unaccountable.That I know. Grow me up in the faith, Lord.
On a lighter note, I also have a fear of getting too famous. Honestly, I want people to read what I write, but I quiver in my boots, when I see all the incredible pastors, singers, teachers, bloggers, healers, moms, administrators, etc that I know get a consistent amount of religious accusation and blethering thrown at them for following God in whatever role they fill. I’ve gotten a share of that too, but it is so wild to realize that every good thing gets rocks thrown at it. Including Jesus. So why worry?
Yes, everything else is worthless when compared with the infinite value of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have discarded everything else, counting it all as garbage, so that I could gain Christ and become one with him. I no longer count on my own righteousness through obeying the law; rather, I become righteous through faith in Christ. For God’s way of making us right with himself depends on faith. I want to know Christ and experience the mighty power that raised him from the dead. I want to suffer with him, sharing in his death… (taken from Philippians 3)
Today I have compiled a “Get out of my funk and get real” list for you all to smile at. Here are some things you probably didn’t know about me.
#1. I don’t set my alarm to 5 and 10 increments like most people. My current list of alarms looks like this: 4:30, (that must have been an exception) 5:46, 6:04, 7:02, 7:14, 7:21, 8:26, 8:43, 8:59, etc. My husband marvels at this habit, but he is kind enough to admit that he loves me because I am unique. I am convinced that everyone else is boring and unoriginal, and I should be the standard, not the exception. But then again, I guess that would make me unoriginal. Ha.
#2. I used to chew my fingernails chronically. (“Used to” is a prophetic declaration, because it is something I am still overcoming. :p) Every once in a while, I cave in while watching a scary movie or something, but praise the Lord that habit is now something I am capable to control. Nails are currently cute.
#3. I let my friend requests marinate for long periods of time before answering, unless it’s someone I have met or know personally, someone who sends an explanatory message with the request, or someone I have connected with in some way or happen to like a lot in my limited interaction with them. This one point could be turned into a whole post in itself. 🙂
#4. is somewhat a continuation of #3. I can be extremely ADD at times. It’s ok with people I know well, but with strangers and acquaintances, it is bad social skills that are sure to leave a horrible first impression. People are so interesting to me, but I find it hard to focus, make eye contact, and listen because, “Wow, look at that guitar hanging from the ceiling! Oh sorry. Continue!” Yup. Bad, bad social skill right there. I truly care! I just have a weakness for distraction that must be bridled. 🙂 I also lose my train of thought in conversation when I’m speaking. I feel bad for people who come to know of me through my writing first and acquaintance later. My writing is much more organized than my free style conversations. There are so many connected noodles/thought patterns in my brain, and it sometimes comes out in the wrong order, and I forget my main point. Either that or I get to the main point too soon and forget the crucial elements leading to it. This is why no one ever thinks my jokes are funny. My jokes that people laugh at happen by accident when I am being completely sincere in my spoken thought process. I guess this could be called mockery since I wasn’t intentionally cracking a joke. I have solved a mystery.
#5. Multitasking is not my skill at all. I try, but I’m finding that I do better at tackling one mountain at a time instead of courageously taking the whole mountain range by force. One small achievement will spur me to the next, instead of multiple failures at multiple simultaneous tasks bringing discouragement. This is something I must be compelled to do. It is not a natural skill.
#6. Like I said, multitasking isn’t my skill, but when something important grabs heart and attention, I focus in like a maniac. When I have a mission, I am distracted by little. This happens when I feel led by God to do something or if I decide to rearrange the living room, for example. It’s all I can think about. I forget to eat sometimes. This tendency too needs to be managed in a positive direction to avoid disaster. Low blood sugar is an all out catastrophe/grown up tempter tantrum with this girl 🙂
#7. I sometimes give in to a compulsive disorder. This is interesting tug of war between personality and bondage. My husband is ever happy to inform me when I cross a line. 🙂 When I was a kid, my sister and I would drive out our long lane on the four wheeler to get the mail. On the way back, I had the powerful urge to drop my bundle of mail cargo so my sister would have to turn around to pick it up. I was tickled silly, and to this day it makes me laugh, but my sister was not amused. Today, it can look like this: the need to double check if a door is locked, kissing both cheeks because one is just inadequate, running to get the mail before a car comes, etc. Sometimes little things like that are funny, (I am confident God probably laughed when He made me) but I am very open to being reprimanded when it begins to control me in unhealthy ways. Obviously, self control is a fruit of the Spirit, and if I am compelled to do something, yet resisting it leads to condemnation, it obviously wasn’t God doing the compelling. My conclusion for #7: I am awesome and unique, but I need growth and discernment in taking my thoughts captive
#8. After 8th grade, I wanted to be a public speaker. That year when I overcame a fear and gave a year end speech, it was as if God put a seed of hope in my heart. “I could do this!” Circumstances kind of pushed my big dreams down a bit over the years, but I still have confidence that God has remembered the prayers I stopped praying. Glorifying God through public speaking, singing/worship, and writing…these three things will always make me come alive with hope because it’s what I like to do, even if only in my deep, heart dreams that haven’t manifested fruit yet.
#9. I never had a shot in my life, and I have survived just fine. Tetanus is one I am considering, but I am very thankful I was given no baby shots. I have no problem getting shots required in foreign countries, but I think too much stock is put in preventive medicine at times. Playing in dirt creates a healthy immune system. I did it and survived. 🙂 This is me.
#10.I don’t always fix the bed, but when I do, the rest of my day generally tends to be more productive.
#10&1/2. I miss my nephew, my other nephew, and my niece.