Well, the muffins flopped again.

Technically, the muffins didn’t flop. They stuck. Maybe it was because they were “no cheat” muffins. No canola oil or icky butter substitute. Just good old olive oil and a few tablespoons maple syrup for sweetener.

It’s a moist, guilt free, bread recipe actually, but it can be used for muffins as well. I remedied the sticking problem with the bread version, (aluminium foil to line the pan pops that baby right out) but the muffins are another problem entirely.

If you read my last post, you’ll remember I talked about obedience.

“Am I doing what’s in front of me? Am I doing it well? Am I practicing with my sheep? Am I building muscle memory for the Goliath moment when God says, “Game on.” Am I too good for these sheep, because if so, I don’t deserve my Goliath stage.

CONVICTION.

I had to go back to the point where I became passive with my most current revelation…the point where I missed my chance with a sheep. The point where I stopped practicing what I know and started pining for the day when circumstances will be perfect for what I have to offer.”

God has been taking my word for it since I said, “Yes” to Him again. So I went back and redid the chances I missed in my passiveness…or things I avoided in indifference to His voice.

Simple things God wanted me to do:

I baked muffins for our mail carrier.

I arranged a Christmas basket for a widow. I asked God what to put in it, and He pointed things out in my house that I was supposed to give. You don’t need that anymore. She needs it right now.

I took some Christmas love to a woman in a bad part of town.

The muffins were in each offering. Yep, the muffins that stuck.

At first, I had a grown up temper tantrum.

Why does it seem that every time I obey Him, it doesn’t turn out? Why can’t He just trust that perfect muffins wont go to my head? Ugh, I’m so stupid, my muffins are stupid, and God makes me angry.

My husband kindly informed me that I was being whiny and believing lies about myself, but he kindly offered love and support. He’s a champion husband. 🙂 “The muffins are good! If you don’t give them away, I’ll eat them all.”

They really were good, but my mind couldn’t get past my “flaw” of imperfection. Ironic that Satan tries to trap us into believing that imperfection is a flaw. Maybe imperfection isn’t a curse if it means we get to put on the righteousness, perfection, and strength of Jesus Christ.

The whining continued:

“Well, it’s the thought that counts, sure, but tasty, non sticking muffins make a thoughtful gift that much more enjoyable. Half the muffin goes with the lining when it’s peeled back! It’s hardly enough for one full bite!”

In the end, I got over it. I went through with obedience. My husband went with me that day, and we had fun loving and praying for some special people.

Two women, dealing with different pain. Hope was alive though in radically different circumstances. “I can’t give up.” God’s sweetness was in one home. His protection in the other. I’m so grateful to know these women.

Later, God comforted me.

Sweety, it’s not about the muffins. It’s not between you and them. It’s about us. It’s about hearing my voice. It’s about working together. You did so well! You make me happy! And by the way, I would eat those muffins even if they were charred black because I know the love offering that you poured into that batter. Cheer up, ok? This is no competition for best housewife award. This is you responding to me. This is me Fathering you.

Image

The next day, I posted this status on Facebook:

“When I disobey God, I have an identity crisis. I hate myself, I feel worthless, I don’t know who I am. Some might say it’s because my identity is tied up in works, but I’m discovering it’s because I’ll never be myself apart from Him. Think of it, He made me in His image. He knows me better than I know myself. When He’s not in my life or when I push him away in disobedience, I’m not myself.

It’s not about doing this and doing that to make God happy. It’s about being connected to Him. That’s what I miss when I’m stubborn and disobedient. Well, last night I obeyed. It felt like the most normal thing in the world. I felt alive, fulfilled, complete. Not because I finally, “did” something. It was because when I’m with Him, I am myself. Alive.”

Have a blessed day, people.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s