It’s been three weeks since I had the privilege of participating in a prayer event in Washington, D.C. I’ve replayed the memories over and over in my mind, but I’m just now attempting to put it into words.
If you haven’t yet, check out this blog post to learn how it all started. Joy Fousert explains the significance of literal life carriers agreeing with Life, in light of the abortion crisis in our nation. The vision was for 100 pregnant ladies on the Supreme Court steps, interceding on behalf of the innocent and the guilty.
Also, visit the Prayer On The Steps facebook page to read about the journey, testimonies, and photos.
This is my story.
God had been stirring the call of motherhood in my heart for months already. That sounds really cheesy to say, but it was deeper than just a physical title. I feel like there is a call on every woman to nurture and incubate the life and things of God to maturity on the earth.
The feminine nature and attributes of God are completely entwined in the female DNA. Think of it, He separated Adam into two beings, then completely channeled the feminine beauty and nurture of His glory into woman. If you are a woman, you have a most unique capacity to manifest the glory of God.
God’s life in us is the way we live and breathe and move in His purposes. Something would be very missing if we weren’t always pregnant or birthing something- even far beyond birthing God’s babies.
In October, I clearly heard God tell me that I would be a mother that month. My husband and I had just started sponsoring two children, so I thought maybe that was what He meant. The baby I’m growing was a half year anticipated gift, so I tried not to get my hopes up in case I would be disappointed again.
I waited a full seven days after my missed period until I got brave enough to take a test. It was an instant POSITIVE. Surprise! 🙂 Only a few hours later, I learned about Prayer On the Steps. The timing was so significant to me, and I knew immediately that I would be involved.
Enter morning sickness. During that time I wrote this:
Over and over, my misery has given me the ability to empathize with women who feel overwhelmed by pregnancy. I had trouble bonding with my baby when it felt like my body was fighting a disease instead of growing an amazing life. My human nature wanted it to stop. I battled selfishness even if this pregnancy was a gift I wanted for months. I can imagine the struggle is greater for unplanned circumstances.
Somehow through all of the sickness, the bigger picture kept me. God never left me. Now I’m realizing what an honor it is to carry a soul that God designed and Jesus died for. My nurture of that life is only a small reflection of the life that God gave me.
If you think about it, the abortion crisis is simply a symptom of a larger crisis of value. Being pro life is more than snatching physical babies from the claws of a premature death. It has to start inside of us. It begins where self ends and we rise with the Spirit of Christ. It begins when the value system of a kind and righteous God is imprinted on the table of our hearts. As Naomi put it, “It is a daily choice for life in every area.”
The drive to D.C. at nearly 12 weeks pregnant was miserable, to say the least. I felt so weak physically and emotionally, and I knew a lot of it was spiritual opposition. Satan you are so defeated. The combination of eating early plus motion took it’s toll, and I ended up puking beside the highway before 8 am.
By the time we arrived at the hotel, I had a migraine. There were warm greetings, and we had some time to freshen up in our lovely room. I went straight to the orientation and worship time on an empty stomach. Mistake!
It was an incredibly diverse group, and not everyone knew each other. There were a lot of beautiful songs. We didn’t know them all, but it was such peaceful worship- God bringing unity and preparing our hearts as we surrendered and opened ourselves up to what He was doing.
One of my favorite memories of Friday evening was the “worship exercises” we did to loosen up and enter into praise. Two guys made gates with their arms, and the rest of us literally entered the gates with thanksgiving. I love Miss Sarah’s word about entering in. “It’s not entering in that brings praise. It is by our praise that we enter in. It’s a key.”
My mind goes fuzzy about some of the details, but there were so many great things shared after worship. I found it so strange how literally every impression God put in my heart coming to the event was covered (plus more!) through the different ones who shared. It’s so incredible how God gathers “random” people from different places, yet His heartbeat is impressed on each one. There are many different colors and impressions, but all towards the same purpose. There were so many confirmations as our time together unfolded.
I enjoyed the evening, but I felt like I had nothing to offer but my presence and barely that. Somehow, that felt so small from the perspective of my physical misery. Really, it was enough though. My obedience, my presence, and my agreement with God were the main things God asked from me.
That scenario is so symbolic of our entire time in D.C as a group. In obedience, Joy asked God for a hundred women; there were ten. We expected an army; a few handfuls showed up, and He fought the battle.
From a human perspective, it made no sense, but God knew what He was doing. Perhaps with a large group, we would tend to assume that enemies fall by our might. Apparently, when small people line themselves up with what God is already doing, obedience unleashes the glory of Heaven to invade and overthrow evil principalities controlling areas and people. We all anticipated the outcome of taking responsibility to apply the blood of Jesus on behalf of our nation.
I wasn’t the only one feeling battered Friday night. Joy, the one who first received the vision for Prayer On The Steps, was also feeling really sick that evening. We try to not pay attention to the enemy. (Let me just say, that is hard when growing a human, perhaps because carrying God’s little life gives women a powerful influence in invisible realms. I guess we were all in the right place!) Joy managed to bravely share the things on her heart. I admire her unwavering obedience.
HJ’s attempts at being American while giving a rundown of instructions for the morning were awesome and hilarious. (He’s from Holland.)
By the time I finally ate that night, it had been 8 hours since my last meal, and I still had to throw up to recover an appetite. That evening is a blur in my mind in many ways. I did get some relief from my migraine in our walk in shower, and my mom stayed with us in our room until we ate and I was tucked in bed. She rubbed my feet, and I was in a coma like state- holding very still under mounds of covers. Our food deliverer, HJ, prayed for me before I passed out for the night, and I was so grateful.
I felt so weak in nearly every way leading up to Saturday, but Saturday morning I woke up incredible refreshed. My headache and nausea was gone, and my spirit felt lighter and free from bombarding jabs from the enemy. God obviously answered my prayers and came through for me just in time.
My husband laughed at me when I came out of my haze from the night before. “Oh, there a refrigerator! I didn’t see that earlier.” 🙂
We had to be ready to go in the lobby at 8 am so it was an early morning getting ready, packing up, and eating a buffet breakfast. I wasn’t sure how long it would be until we would eat so I tried to stuff myself as much as possible to hold me over. I could not handle the scrambled eggs, but the grits, sausage, hash browns, and cereal was great. (I realize these details may not be relevant to the main points, but I like to recount the little things. Hang in there. 🙂 )
It was a really good atmosphere as our group trickled from their rooms, through the buffet, and out to the lobby. There was a lot of anticipation and peace.
It was a windy 17 degrees outside. Our southern car had to be jumped before we left. We followed the leader and made our way to the metro station to buy tickets and board.
At our last stop, it was only a few blocks to the Supreme Court. The guard was finicky about a crowd doing religious activity there, so we weren’t actually allowed to be on the steps. A minor nuisance, but we were respectful.
The prayer walkers gathered around the pregnant ladies and prayed a blessing and protection on the ones staying at the steps. After they left, the pregnant ladies read through a liturgy- usually a very formal experience, but in this case, it was powerful. HJ was also there with his guitar to lead worship.
There were declarations, repentance, receiving forgiveness/healing- personal and national, then praise and thanks.
The wind chill was bitterly cold while we were in a group praying, especially during the difficult parts like repentance and applying Jesus’ blood to mass sins. When we separated into small groups to ask God what He was saying, the wind died down. I felt led to ask God to send His Spirit to the Supreme Court and every individual who walks through those doors. I asked for His favor to rest there and for a shift to take place.
When the groups came back together, I felt like it was so significant that during the receiving, filling up, healing, and praise part of our time, the sun shone so brightly on my back that I felt hot and tingly.
My husband had a very unique experience while walking around us praying. I think God asked him to stay back so He could show someone what was happening around us in invisible realms.
He shared what he saw when we gathered in the basement of a coffee shop to debrief. Here is his testimony:
In the beginning, I attended Prayer on the Steps mostly to support my pregnant wife, but it ended up being an incredible experience for me too. I was originally planning to go on the prayer walk while the pregnant ladies stayed at the Supreme Court, but during Friday evening worship time I sensed pretty strongly that I was supposed stay at the steps instead. That night, I had a vivid dream of a vicious dog getting ready to attack me. Just before it reached me, it disappeared and I woke up with a start. I knew without a doubt it was Satan trying to be a bully. Saturday morning, I asked Jesus if I should fast today. His response was exuberant, “Eat! Rejoice because the King, the victorious bridegroom, goes before you!” I guess He wanted us to go out dancing while the battle was won. 🙂
At the Supreme Court, we anointed the ladies and prayed over them. After the others left, they began to pray and sing and make declarations. It was when they started singing, ‘”The Battle Belongs to the Lord” that the Spirit started speaking. “Michael is here!” (The Archangel) Immediately, in the Spirit, I saw Michael go out in front of me and begin furiously swinging what appeared to be a sword. Next, I saw the entire United States beneath him soaked in blood- the blood of the innocent. Wherever Michael walked, this golden light followed, and all around him was a thick fog of fresh blood from his sword. I asked, “What is Michael doing?” The Spirit replied, “He’s throwing the living blood of Jesus over the blood soaked earth.”
(Two days earlier, Miss Sarah’s friend sent an email mentioning Michael the Archangel accompanying us in battle. Multiple people also had words about the blood of Jesus.)
A short while later, the women divided into small groups. While I was praying off to the side, I saw a vivid picture of Jesus hanging on the cross. He wore a crown of thorns, and blood was running down His face. Then I heard the words, “IT IS FINISHED!” I don’t know if the ladies were aware of the impact their simple obedience was making, but in the spirit realm there was a profound shift happening-. like heat rapidly melting ice. It was incredible, and it messed me up for a long time. 🙂
The battle belongs to the Lord! God doesn’t need our best skills and efforts as much He just needs us to AGREE with Him so that His glory can fill the earth. It was not a day of picking a fight with Satan, but a day of standing still in agreement with God and watching Him and His heavenly host overcome darkness.
Like Miss Sarah said, “We’ll see the replay of this day in Heaven someday.”
© Brenda Kanagy