TOXIC [part 2]

At one time, I stopped caring about offense and crashed through life with new found joy and abandon, painfully scraping those around me with my rough edged, baby wings. 

In reaction to the pieces fallen around me, (wounded hearts) I dejectedly became quiet and opted to keep my wings tucked to my sides more than is healthy for a growing bird. 

I flew less and less until I eventually got so out of practice that flying at all felt unnatural. 

Fear does that; it is a unstable, TOXIC motivator. It uses false evidence to create static in our connection with the guiding voice of the Holy Spirit.

(Love does care, but love does not carry the offense. I deeply hope I’ve grown in love and wisdom with time.)

The struggle: I don’t want to become weak in faith in order to be kind in love. I need wisdom to get both flowing simultaneously. Because God is love, and faith pleases Him.

I feel like my short life has already been such a struggle of love and faith- one always rushing in front of the other, letting fear come between that distance to sever their marriage union. 

I retreat in the name of love when my faith offends, then let fear take my faith hostage when it’s time to take risks. It is a TOXIC cycle.

The truth is, even in my best moments of authenticity and peace before God, I don’t think I’ve escaped offense in some form from people. This goes to show how unstable human approval is as a motivator. 

I’m honestly not sure it’s possible to live in the light without offense in this life. Paul said to be at peace with all men as much as possible. 

OK.

Apparently, even if I may not be able to control the way the world perceives me, fear of offense need not be carried in my heart anymore. 

Faith always offends fear, but offense is not automatically a sign of faith that pleases God. My faith might be real, (“and these signs WILL follow real believers”) but faith that pleases God is married to the Spirit of Love. 

#mind.blown.

So what is a good sign of stability and growth?

Is my public faith producing fruits of the Spirit in me?

I’m not even sure I know what that looks like or how to go about embodying this faith/love union, but I’m going to start asking for transformation!

Examine my heart, Lord.

©Brenda Kanagy

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