Somehow amidst the upheaval of being homeless for the time being, my daughter is now over the half year timeline. (Ok, we are only between homes until our house is move-in ready, not homeless. But you get the point of how unsettled it feels.) I hate not being settled in our own home to lull the winter away with my growing daughter, especially since her dad’s job is keeping him away overnight a lot right now. I feel like I literally can almost not wait for structure and calm in our house, but I am trying to enjoy the present with Baby regardless. Little Lady sure gets around on her tummy, but it’s still not forward very often. She is fast at backing and going in circles, but no official crawling yet. Her legs are getting stronger with assisted standing, and she does well with sitting by herself now, with occasional face plants and tumbles. She can go in circles while seated too. It’s amazing how much her skills have developed since we moved. Baby is in such an explorative stage. It’s all about new textures, shapes, and colors. Her baby toys don’t hold her interest as long, and she loves new things to chew on and play with. I just bought her an old fashioned wooden rattle (with a beeswax finish) that she likes to gnaw on. She’s a petite little thing. Her younger niece and nephew have far surpassed her in belly and thigh chubs, but her legs are long! She’s so fun to hold the rare times she gets in a snuggly mood. She has a nice amount of hair, and her blue eyes are lovelier than ever. Alex has switched from her gargling noise habit to “MAMAMAMAMA.” I like to think she’s saying my name, but I’m pretty sure she’s just exploring new sounds. We hit a teething curveball the last month(s), and this mama has been dealing with way less sleep than I would have thought to be humanely possible pre-motherhood. I could say so much about the emotional and mental struggle and growth that I’m priveledged to have from these challenging days and nights, but my heart gets rather introverted and quiet when I try to process it on this platform. There are so many formulas and ideas and cookie-cutter opinions swirling around out there about parenthood, and I find myself feeling really alone- like the odd one out as I “feel out” my own journey differently than anything I’ve known or seen.
I badly want to be a mother worthy of hosting Jesus, and I daily struggle to quiet the voices and find my security and direction solely from the voice of God for the everyday parenting responsibilities. This might all sound too formal to apply to the life of a teething, pooping, cooing infant, but these years are so short, yet so worthy of intentional, divine inspiration. She won’t always want my physical comfort. She won’t always pee in diapers. She will only be 7 months once. I don’t want to miss this important opportunity to love her and find God in the moments with her because I’m too rushed or ready for her to move beyond the physically demanding stage. How incredibly short-sighted and selfish. The struggle is so temporary, but the reward so eternal. She was given as a gift- a miracle. I love you, Baby Alexandra Honor. I am the honored one to love you and care for you. Happy 7&1/2 months!